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Learn by Example
We recommend two tools to help you get the most from these examples:
- Feeling and Needs Lists
We suggest printing out each of the following web pages and using them for reference in working with following examples.
- Some awareness of this process of communicating.
If you haven't already done so, you can learn about this from attending a workshop, reading a book, watching a video, listening to a tape or CD, ...
See "1 - Getting Started" at Self-Study for an initial list of possibilities.
Examples
1. Perfectionism
You are working with a colleague on a project. You suggest a task to be included.
Your colleague shakes their head and says "You're such a perfectionist!"
What might they be feeling and needing? What would be the "formal NVC" way of expressing this?
What would be one more colloquial or natural language way of expressing this?
Use your Feeling & Needs lists to make a guess, then
click on this link: Possible Answers - Odd #'s for one option.
2. The Painter - Missing Second Coat
You've hired a painter to paint your house while you were away. When you get back, they tell you they are complete.
When you look at what they've done, you think that, while the edges of the walls seem well done,
they didn't do the second coat that they agreed to do.
How might you express this evaluation as an observation?
What might be your complete NVC expression? In formal language? In everyday language?
Take a minute to make a guess, then
click on this link: Possible Answers - Even #'s for one option.
3. Being Criticized
You've just spoken in "perfect NVC" to your partner - stating your
observation, sharing your feelings and needs, and making a concrete
doable request.
Your partner replies "You're impossible! You're never satisfied!
You're always complaining about something!"
What might you feel when you hear this? Your needs?
What might your partner's feelings and needs be at that moment?
What response would you guess would be most likely to create connection
between you?
Click on this link: Possible Answers - Odd #'s
for some ideas.
4. The Rubbish Removers
You've just spoken in "perfect NVC" to your partner - stating your
observation, sharing your feelings and needs, and making a concrete
doable request.
Your partner replies "You're impossible! You're never satisfied!
You're always complaining about something!"
What might you feel when you hear this? Your needs?
What might your partner's feelings and needs be at that moment?
What response would you guess would be most likely to create connection
between you?
Click on this link: Possible Answers - Odd #'s
for some ideas.
5. The Bystander Challenge
You've just spoken in "perfect NVC" to your partner - stating your
observation, sharing your feelings and needs, and making a concrete
doable request.
Your partner replies "You're impossible! You're never satisfied!
You're always complaining about something!"
What might you feel when you hear this? Your needs?
What might your partner's feelings and needs be at that moment?
What response would you guess would be most likely to create connection
between you?
Click on this link: Possible Answers - Odd #'s
for some ideas.
Do you have an example you'd like included?
We'd love to receive it! Email connect@compassionatehonesty.com.
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